Honestly Speaking

I have saved so much by not eating out and travelling this year that I might just commit to becoming a hermit. The minute I step out, I'm literally spending money (the car needs fuel to move and fuel costs money). And one of the biggest expenses we have is rent but we were hardly ever home before. Don't you feel like you actually used your home this year and the rent was worth it? 

Summers in Arabia were usually so hot that I used to curse the desert I was living in. This year, it was different. I was hardly out during the day and that made the hottest summer, in more than a 100 years, seem actually pleasant. Am I turning into a Pollyanna? MAYBE. 

Has the pandemic been bad for me? Nope. I've started to cook more at home, read more than ever and watched the world do stupid things on my phone while enjoying a glass of wine/cup of tea (depending on the time). I think I am finally getting the peace of mind I have been missing all these years. 

Related: I am also wondering if I am turning into a sociopath. There is very little that upsets me and when it does, I seem to bounce back sooner than I would pre pandemic. 

Unfortunately, the disease of the rich has spread to the poor but I am still optimistic. Anyone who is dying because of it, I say natural selection. And we are all meant to die one day or another. The pandemic has just reminded us of our mortality. 

Up until this year, we focused so much on materialism and consuming. We wanted more, more, more of everything. We didn't appreciate the things, people, relationships, pets, and other joys in our lives. Instead we were busy, tired, stressed, frustrated and always on some screen getting the next fix for our addicted brains. Since March, I think since we have all finished watching everything on Netflix and every other social media available, we can now see that there is nothing more to life than the simple joys we experience everyday. 

I advise you to do something I have always done: live everyday as if it were your last without regrets. Would you still be doing what you are doing right now if you knew that you were dying tomorrow? 

Umesh Dada threatens rape 

This is a quote I read and it seems to say exactly what I mean:

"Social distancing is a privilege. It means you live in a house large enough to practise it. Hand washing is a privilege too. It means you have access to running water. Hand sanitisers are a privilege. It means you have money to buy them. Lockdowns are a privilege. It means you can afford to be at home. Most of the ways to ward the Corona off are accessible only to the affluent. In essence, a disease that was spread by the rich as they flew around the globe will now kill millions of the poor. All of us who are practising social distancing and have imposed a lockdown on ourselves must appreciate how privileged we are. Many Indians won’t be able to do any of this."

Obviously, I know I am going to be hated for this but whatever. Here it is:

I don't care about the coronavirus or how "serious" it is. I consider it a disease for the wealthy. The ones who go out and travel and those that have first world problems. It's a rich person's disease and that's why it's been given such brilliant PR. I don't care if a few thousand people die. Guess what? People die everyday.

People die because of reckless driving, adventurous stunts, overdosing on alcohol, drugs and pills and in many, many other ways and yet they don't have the same PR. But then again, these are also rich people deaths.

Shall we talk about the deaths of the poor that take place every single day and nobody gives a damn? Babies that die at birth because of improper care, mothers that die giving birth, cancer patients who don't have the money for treatment, depressed people who don't have access to support and help, uneducated people who do not know when to go to a doctor, etc. Diseases of poverty have killed more people during the entire timeline of the human race and yet nobody has shut down the entire fucking world economy for them.

Now that leaders of the world, movie stars and sports personalities are getting affected, we are being asked to wash hands and stay home for the foreseeable future. Who the hell is going to look after the mental health of those who are stuck at home and anxious? Even if someone sneezes, they immediately think it's COVID-19 and start panicking! Stop the madness!

This entire "pandemic" has gotten me in such a rage. And this whole "doctors and nurses are our heroes". Really? Where the fuck is your god now? Any person with half a brain would know that they have ALWAYS been the heroes. They're the ones who diagnose and cure diseases, not god! When your so called pandemic hits, you ask them for help and forget about god.

Fucking hypocrites.

The world always blames a woman when her husband does something that resembles having a backbone once a marriage takes place. Exhibit A: The Duke and Duchess of Sussex quitting their roles as senior members of the British Royal Family. Who is blamed? The wife.

The other day, we were having a discussion amongst colleagues about whether period blood is dirty. I cannot begin to explain how my brain almost blew out of my skull when male colleagues said this. In which educated society are these words uttered?! Yes, the men who said this were religious and they were saying this because their religion was telling them that period blood is dirty but that is no excuse in my opinion. They then brought in science and said that it's "scientifically proven" that period blood is dirty.

First of all, shame on you for believing a religion without thinking for yourself. Secondly, which fucking medical journal says this?! Where the fuck is it scientifically proven?

Period blood has "blood, uterine tissue, mucus lining, and bacteria" which is much more "pure" than sweat, saliva, urine and feces. But people who are sweating or drooling are allowed to enter temples and pray so why are menstruating women not allowed?

One of the argument was that this time is for women to "rest". I don't see them resting, bro. They're out there doing all the work except for the select few odd jobs that you guys have deemed unworthy to be done by a bleeding woman.

How can the blood that sustains life be considered impure? I wonder who made this bullshit up. Someone with a penis, perhaps? For thousands of years, men never gave women the chance to be physically as able as them and then kept them indoors and oppressed by not giving them the right to inherit, own property, vote, hold offices etc. Thank goodness that it does not fly anymore but we are still facing imbeciles who are technically educated and still say that period blood is dirty.

Who decides what is pure and impure? Why are men even allowed to pass judgement about our bodies when they do not know what is going on inside them? None of the men have had periods and yet they are the authority on whether they are pure or impure.

Lastly, these women who abide by these illogical rules thinking it makes them special to be delicate frustrate me because they are further solidifying the stereotype that women are helpless creatures who need to be told what to do. This is where men can say that "she is crazy" because of hormones and we "need to be dealt with". Who apart from the woman herself (and her husband if she is married) knows that she is bleeding? Nobody. In this case, it's women who self monitor and tell themselves that they are too impure to be doing certain things. It's us driving in the fact that we are dirty and kept away when bleeding.

The discussion ended with our colleague telling me that if I want to stay ignorant then "live with it". I'm sorry but I have to live with my period because it's a very natural phenomenon that I did not ask for. It's a bloody inconvenience that I have to put up with and live with, and it's not a choice.

Let's not forget that if women had no periods, then there would be no men to deem them impure.

Next time you are at a family gathering, observe the dynamics of men and women and report below. Do they sit together, talk to each other, have the meal together, play with the kids equally and whether the men help in cleaning up after the party or it's just the women who do?

One of the most disturbing things I witnessed was at a wedding this January.

We had travelled from Bahrain to India for a three day bash with the engagement party, bridal shower and the wedding along with the reception. The atrocity I witnessed was on the day of the bridal shower.

Bridal showers are called "roce" where I come from. The ceremony includes all the female relatives of the bride extracting milk from coconuts which is then applied to the bride's hair, face and limbs. Once everyone has applied the coconut milk, she goes to take a shower, changes her outfit and the guests party the night away.

In the olden days, since people were poor to hold parties, relatives of the bride contributed to the party by bringing various groceries from their homes as a gift to the bride's family so they could use the groceries for the meal at the bridal shower. There is no need to do any of that now because if you have the money to pay for lighting, decoration, photographer and a DJ, you definitely have money to pay for catering and feel the guests. The bringing of gifts is now just a formality.

Unfortunately, people don't have the brain capacity to understand this. Guess what the people in my village bring as a grocery item for the bride? A live pig, tied upside down on a stick, carried by two men. Never have I ever been more upset at a function than this time.

I cannot even begin to describe how inhumane it is to do this to a pig for fun. For the show. They did not kill the pig or roast it (which even if they had, the animal shouldn't be scared and tortured beforehand but rather a quick, painless death) but they brought it just because it would look good in photos. I don't understand how we can still use animals for our amusement. This is 2019 and everyone is an informed, educated individual with a smartphone in their hand and yet we behave as people did 300 years ago!

And the worst part is that people I know, in my village or in life in general, are like sheep and they will do things just because their neighbour or friend or brother's wife did it. I don't think anyone thinks this through or questions at all and instead just follow the norm even if it's wrong. I ask you, is this how a progressing society will function?

Now, I understand that I am a meat eater and I should not be preaching how cruel this is when I consume chicken, beef, mutton and pork. I do not mind if animals are killed in a humane and quick manner for consumption but I will never be okay with cruelty towards animals for a party. Even if they did want to roast a pig at the bridal shower, the right thing would have been to kill the animal quickly at the butchery instead of torturing the poor beast in this manner.

Humans really are the most cruel of species who have no limit on their cruelty. There is another wedding in India I am attending and I'm terrified of what I will witness there.

I implore you, dear reader, that before you do something, please ask yourself whether it is kind and necessary.

Don't marry them if they:

won't stand up for you.
don't show up when you ask them to.
don't take care of you when you need them to.
don't return your calls.
won't share details of their life with you.
won't share details of their finances with you.
believe others over you.
choose something or someone else over you.
forget your birthday.
don't make you feel loved.
speak ill of you behind your back.
ask you to change for them.
cheat on you.
lie to you.
hit you.

Is it fair? No. Is it necessary for society? Yes.

The quota system was intitally introduced in Post-Independent India to ensure that all classes, not just the affluent with means, could gain access to education, jobs, and various other opportunities that were previously only available to the rich. This made it possible for the backward classes and the minorities to also have the same opportunities.

Lower caste Hindus were not allowed to work above their station and had to carry out the jobs that were meant for their family. Many of the times this only including weaving (there was a weaver named Pillu who used to weave small baskets and my grandmother used to buy them for me from her. I remember how sweet, kind and innocent her face was even after 20 years), garbage collection and cleaning the sewers. Any other job, even with the necessary skill, was denied to them.

During the days when the backward classes were not allowed to drink from the same wells (and in some villages even now, this is the truth), and minorities could not make the cut for many of the institutions, the government in order to give these classes a push, introduced quotas. In this system, institutions had to reserve a certain number of seats for Scheduled Castes, Scheduled Tribes, Other Backward Classes, Muslims and Christians. This helped tremendously in giving education and jobs to those who would have been denied otherwise. Government jobs, private sector employment and higher education could now be achieved by all.

On the surface, it seems like everything is alright now. Do the lower classes and minorities still need the quotas? It does not seem like it. But what do I know? I am living in another country and when I go back to India, I only am there for a few days and I get to afford the best that India has to offer. The problem now is that the upper classes and the affluent are saying that the excessive quotas are hindering their chances at success to which I call bullshit. There are more than ample opportunities in India if someone has the will. There are jobs, resources and a huge market to cater to. If one window closes, five doors open up. It is just like the rich to complain that they aren't receiving the teaspoon worth the poor are having while hoarding bucket-loads themselves. The earth has enough to offer if you're willing to look for it.

And to those who want no quotas ever - who has gone to the villages of India to check if everything is as it should be? As a privileged Indian, I can claim that it is but I speak from ignorance. If indeed all castes and minorities agree that they need no more quotas and everyone can be judged fairly and equally, we can go ahead and abolish the quotas. But until then, I see no other alternative.

My parents were not with me during two of my formative years. I spent those two years in a tiny village in India being cared for by my maternal grandparents. When I turned five, I moved to Bahrain with my parents. I vividly remember going to my parents' office as a child and during one such afternoon being asked by their colleague whom I loved more, my parents or my grandparents. Without a moment's hesitation, I replied: my grandparents!

Of course, my grandparents!

These two wonderful individuals are the reason I am what I am today. They were farmers and lead a very honest, hardworking life. My grandfather was a man of principles who used to ride his bicycle (an environmentalist without even trying!) into town for our daily grocery shopping well into his late 70s. My grandmother was a loud, vivacious woman who could stand up to a thousand people at the same time and hold her own. I am proud to say that I learnt to swear from her.

They had a simple routine that they followed till the end of their lives. They woke up to pick flowers which were then tied into garlands to be sold. Breakfast was served for all (workers arrived early to do the farm work) and then elevenses (rice at 11AM!). Lunch was a proper affair with fish and veggies and definitely some yogurt for my grandfather no matter what. And then, get this, they took a nap! (In a world where we are all constantly rushing, theirs was a life I envy.) Afternoon work resumed, everybody has afternoon tea and the workers leave. This afternoon tea was a grand affair when we visited during our summer holidays but when I was a child, I used to wake up from my nap and have some biscuits. How English of my grandmother in the village!

Before dinner, we would have an aperitif. Yes, including the kids because alcohol helps with digestion (though, I think she just wanted us to go to sleep)! Dinner was again rice or some bread and that was the end of the day.

In the two years I was with them, between the ages of three and five, I was taught to be independent, self-soothe, fish, use my imagination to keep myself busy and to live freely. I was allowed to wander off, learn how to farm, and visit the neighbours.

My love for animals is definitely from my grandfather. He did not want to keep dogs on leashes because the dogs whined. The cats of the house were always around his legs. He used to pet the animals, including the cows, and make them feel loved. My heart weeps at the thought of the love he was yet to give them.

My brusqueness is definitely from my grandmother who shouted at basically everyone and for everything. Yet, she was a generous, giving woman who always took care of those around her. If she had something, she would give to her children, grandchildren, the caretakers and the workers. She was as soft on the inside as she was hard on the outside.

These two wonderful people leave behind a legacy of their kindness, generosity and love. Even now when I mention that I am Albert and Natalia Sequeira's granddaughter, people recognise me. Such is the respect that they still enjoy in spite of not being there anymore.

Sometimes, I lie awake at night and I cannot believe that I won't see them or talk to them anymore. But I'm glad knowing the rich life they lived and the love that still pours for them from all those who knew them. My Aba and Mai. 💓

Photo by: Roshan Madtha