Honestly Speaking

The world always blames a woman when her husband does something that resembles having a backbone once a marriage takes place. Exhibit A: The Duke and Duchess of Sussex quitting their roles as senior members of the British Royal Family. Who is blamed? The wife.

The other day, we were having a discussion amongst colleagues about whether period blood is dirty. I cannot begin to explain how my brain almost blew out of my skull when male colleagues said this. In which educated society are these words uttered?! Yes, the men who said this were religious and they were saying this because their religion was telling them that period blood is dirty but that is no excuse in my opinion. They then brought in science and said that it's "scientifically proven" that period blood is dirty.

First of all, shame on you for believing a religion without thinking for yourself. Secondly, which fucking medical journal says this?! Where the fuck is it scientifically proven?

Period blood has "blood, uterine tissue, mucus lining, and bacteria" which is much more "pure" than sweat, saliva, urine and feces. But people who are sweating or drooling are allowed to enter temples and pray so why are menstruating women not allowed?

One of the argument was that this time is for women to "rest". I don't see them resting, bro. They're out there doing all the work except for the select few odd jobs that you guys have deemed unworthy to be done by a bleeding woman.

How can the blood that sustains life be considered impure? I wonder who made this bullshit up. Someone with a penis, perhaps? For thousands of years, men never gave women the chance to be physically as able as them and then kept them indoors and oppressed by not giving them the right to inherit, own property, vote, hold offices etc. Thank goodness that it does not fly anymore but we are still facing imbeciles who are technically educated and still say that period blood is dirty.

Who decides what is pure and impure? Why are men even allowed to pass judgement about our bodies when they do not know what is going on inside them? None of the men have had periods and yet they are the authority on whether they are pure or impure.

Lastly, these women who abide by these illogical rules thinking it makes them special to be delicate frustrate me because they are further solidifying the stereotype that women are helpless creatures who need to be told what to do. This is where men can say that "she is crazy" because of hormones and we "need to be dealt with". Who apart from the woman herself (and her husband if she is married) knows that she is bleeding? Nobody. In this case, it's women who self monitor and tell themselves that they are too impure to be doing certain things. It's us driving in the fact that we are dirty and kept away when bleeding.

The discussion ended with our colleague telling me that if I want to stay ignorant then "live with it". I'm sorry but I have to live with my period because it's a very natural phenomenon that I did not ask for. It's a bloody inconvenience that I have to put up with and live with, and it's not a choice.

Let's not forget that if women had no periods, then there would be no men to deem them impure.

Next time you are at a family gathering, observe the dynamics of men and women and report below. Do they sit together, talk to each other, have the meal together, play with the kids equally and whether the men help in cleaning up after the party or it's just the women who do?

One of the most disturbing things I witnessed was at a wedding this January.

We had travelled from Bahrain to India for a three day bash with the engagement party, bridal shower and the wedding along with the reception. The atrocity I witnessed was on the day of the bridal shower.

Bridal showers are called "roce" where I come from. The ceremony includes all the female relatives of the bride extracting milk from coconuts which is then applied to the bride's hair, face and limbs. Once everyone has applied the coconut milk, she goes to take a shower, changes her outfit and the guests party the night away.

In the olden days, since people were poor to hold parties, relatives of the bride contributed to the party by bringing various groceries from their homes as a gift to the bride's family so they could use the groceries for the meal at the bridal shower. There is no need to do any of that now because if you have the money to pay for lighting, decoration, photographer and a DJ, you definitely have money to pay for catering and feel the guests. The bringing of gifts is now just a formality.

Unfortunately, people don't have the brain capacity to understand this. Guess what the people in my village bring as a grocery item for the bride? A live pig, tied upside down on a stick, carried by two men. Never have I ever been more upset at a function than this time.

I cannot even begin to describe how inhumane it is to do this to a pig for fun. For the show. They did not kill the pig or roast it (which even if they had, the animal shouldn't be scared and tortured beforehand but rather a quick, painless death) but they brought it just because it would look good in photos. I don't understand how we can still use animals for our amusement. This is 2019 and everyone is an informed, educated individual with a smartphone in their hand and yet we behave as people did 300 years ago!

And the worst part is that people I know, in my village or in life in general, are like sheep and they will do things just because their neighbour or friend or brother's wife did it. I don't think anyone thinks this through or questions at all and instead just follow the norm even if it's wrong. I ask you, is this how a progressing society will function?

Now, I understand that I am a meat eater and I should not be preaching how cruel this is when I consume chicken, beef, mutton and pork. I do not mind if animals are killed in a humane and quick manner for consumption but I will never be okay with cruelty towards animals for a party. Even if they did want to roast a pig at the bridal shower, the right thing would have been to kill the animal quickly at the butchery instead of torturing the poor beast in this manner.

Humans really are the most cruel of species who have no limit on their cruelty. There is another wedding in India I am attending and I'm terrified of what I will witness there.

I implore you, dear reader, that before you do something, please ask yourself whether it is kind and necessary.

Don't marry them if they:

won't stand up for you.
don't show up when you ask them to.
don't take care of you when you need them to.
don't return your calls.
won't share details of their life with you.
won't share details of their finances with you.
believe others over you.
choose something or someone else over you.
forget your birthday.
don't make you feel loved.
speak ill of you behind your back.
ask you to change for them.
cheat on you.
lie to you.
hit you.

Is it fair? No. Is it necessary for society? Yes.

The quota system was intitally introduced in Post-Independent India to ensure that all classes, not just the affluent with means, could gain access to education, jobs, and various other opportunities that were previously only available to the rich. This made it possible for the backward classes and the minorities to also have the same opportunities.

Lower caste Hindus were not allowed to work above their station and had to carry out the jobs that were meant for their family. Many of the times this only including weaving (there was a weaver named Pillu who used to weave small baskets and my grandmother used to buy them for me from her. I remember how sweet, kind and innocent her face was even after 20 years), garbage collection and cleaning the sewers. Any other job, even with the necessary skill, was denied to them.

During the days when the backward classes were not allowed to drink from the same wells (and in some villages even now, this is the truth), and minorities could not make the cut for many of the institutions, the government in order to give these classes a push, introduced quotas. In this system, institutions had to reserve a certain number of seats for Scheduled Castes, Scheduled Tribes, Other Backward Classes, Muslims and Christians. This helped tremendously in giving education and jobs to those who would have been denied otherwise. Government jobs, private sector employment and higher education could now be achieved by all.

On the surface, it seems like everything is alright now. Do the lower classes and minorities still need the quotas? It does not seem like it. But what do I know? I am living in another country and when I go back to India, I only am there for a few days and I get to afford the best that India has to offer. The problem now is that the upper classes and the affluent are saying that the excessive quotas are hindering their chances at success to which I call bullshit. There are more than ample opportunities in India if someone has the will. There are jobs, resources and a huge market to cater to. If one window closes, five doors open up. It is just like the rich to complain that they aren't receiving the teaspoon worth the poor are having while hoarding bucket-loads themselves. The earth has enough to offer if you're willing to look for it.

And to those who want no quotas ever - who has gone to the villages of India to check if everything is as it should be? As a privileged Indian, I can claim that it is but I speak from ignorance. If indeed all castes and minorities agree that they need no more quotas and everyone can be judged fairly and equally, we can go ahead and abolish the quotas. But until then, I see no other alternative.

My parents were not with me during two of my formative years. I spent those two years in a tiny village in India being cared for by my maternal grandparents. When I turned five, I moved to Bahrain with my parents. I vividly remember going to my parents' office as a child and during one such afternoon being asked by their colleague whom I loved more, my parents or my grandparents. Without a moment's hesitation, I replied: my grandparents!

Of course, my grandparents!

These two wonderful individuals are the reason I am what I am today. They were farmers and lead a very honest, hardworking life. My grandfather was a man of principles who used to ride his bicycle (an environmentalist without even trying!) into town for our daily grocery shopping well into his late 70s. My grandmother was a loud, vivacious woman who could stand up to a thousand people at the same time and hold her own. I am proud to say that I learnt to swear from her.

They had a simple routine that they followed till the end of their lives. They woke up to pick flowers which were then tied into garlands to be sold. Breakfast was served for all (workers arrived early to do the farm work) and then elevenses (rice at 11AM!). Lunch was a proper affair with fish and veggies and definitely some yogurt for my grandfather no matter what. And then, get this, they took a nap! (In a world where we are all constantly rushing, theirs was a life I envy.) Afternoon work resumed, everybody has afternoon tea and the workers leave. This afternoon tea was a grand affair when we visited during our summer holidays but when I was a child, I used to wake up from my nap and have some biscuits. How English of my grandmother in the village!

Before dinner, we would have an aperitif. Yes, including the kids because alcohol helps with digestion (though, I think she just wanted us to go to sleep)! Dinner was again rice or some bread and that was the end of the day.

In the two years I was with them, between the ages of three and five, I was taught to be independent, self-soothe, fish, use my imagination to keep myself busy and to live freely. I was allowed to wander off, learn how to farm, and visit the neighbours.

My love for animals is definitely from my grandfather. He did not want to keep dogs on leashes because the dogs whined. The cats of the house were always around his legs. He used to pet the animals, including the cows, and make them feel loved. My heart weeps at the thought of the love he was yet to give them.

My brusqueness is definitely from my grandmother who shouted at basically everyone and for everything. Yet, she was a generous, giving woman who always took care of those around her. If she had something, she would give to her children, grandchildren, the caretakers and the workers. She was as soft on the inside as she was hard on the outside.

These two wonderful people leave behind a legacy of their kindness, generosity and love. Even now when I mention that I am Albert and Natalia Sequeira's granddaughter, people recognise me. Such is the respect that they still enjoy in spite of not being there anymore.

Sometimes, I lie awake at night and I cannot believe that I won't see them or talk to them anymore. But I'm glad knowing the rich life they lived and the love that still pours for them from all those who knew them. My Aba and Mai. 💓

Photo by: Roshan Madtha

While the world seems to place him next to god and proclaims how great, humble and honest he was, I find Gandhi revolting.

When he left his father's deathbed to go and have sex with his wife, during which his father died in the other room, Gandhi felt so guilty that he vowed to practice celibacy. Now, I would have no issue with him if he followed this to the t and that was it. But the issue begins when he starts to "experiment" with celibacy (if interested, read his autobiography My Experiments with Truth).

This old, old man begins to sleep naked with young girls from his ashram under the guise of testing his will power and celibacy. He was experimenting with the physical and biological part of his being using women as objects all long. These girls were young and sometimes related to him (famously his grand-niece, Manu Gandhi). He asked for massages from these girls when he had nothing to even cover his genitals and the girls were completely naked too. Who's to say that there weren't instances where his will power was lacking and that he didn't rape one or all these girls? Who's to say that he did not touch them inappropriately to take his experiments to the next level?

Does this remind you of something else? The infamous Nithyananda Swami who also used the women who went to his ashram to satisfy his sexual needs and countless other people who run ashrams and take advantage of the naivety of women and children. Obviously, this does not only affect those who go to ashrams. If you have heard the word 'priest', there is something about a alter boy or choir boy being harassed. But I digress.

My issue currently is that even with all this information being very widely available and everybody talking about sexual abuse so openly, we still revere this man as if he is anything more than a sexual predator. Let's not mention other issues that he has created or how he just happened to be at the right place at the right time during Indian independence. When concerned people brought up his sexual perversions, he did not heed anyone who was advising him against this at the time. He is the Father of the Nation for India and this was his legacy - sexual abuse and possibly rape.

Women were treats as objects to experiment on by him and that's how women are still being treated in India. He ill treated his wife and abused innocents and yet everyone to this day looks the other way. This is how India is today as well. Women are hurt, abused, killed and yet society has nothing to say.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." I think he was just telling us that he wished all of us used young women to try out our sexual fetishes on. Carry on, then.

I have been having sort of an existential crisis lately. You may call it a quarter life crisis since I am 25. My big question is...

Why should we continue the human species?

I am wondering what is the purpose of living and apart from the fact that nobody would be willing, why we shouldn't all just commit mass suicide.

Think of it this way: we all have to die. There is no use of all the working and fighting and wars and hustling we do everyday since the end is very definite. Yet we live each day as if death is a myth. What is the purpose of all this struggle? To lead a better life? And then what? Do you get to enjoy it forever? No. There is no difference in the grand scale of things in the universe between the life of a beggar and the life of a billionaire. Both can be affected by mental and physical illness, both experience sadness and misery and both have to die one day.

Knowing all of this, why do people procreate? I find it completely selfish to bring lives into the world who did not ask to be born so that they too can have a few years of pointless living before they perish.

While this might seem cynical and dark, you know I am making a good point here. People say being parents is the highest form of love they have experienced but who can prove that? Have parents had time to devote it towards other activities to compare? I feel like that's such a condescending thing to say. To think that charity work or volunteering does not bring as much happiness. In my opinion, parenting is one of the most stressful parts of life. The pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, sleep training, teething, terrible twos, tantrums, potty training, schooling, teenage and college can drain the life out of parents. This is without the mention of illness. Have you seen new parents when their child has a fever? Heck, even experienced parents panic at the feel of temperature. Also let's not get into it if the child is disabled or mentally handicapped. And the money it takes to raise them for 22 years (divorce not included)!

So knowing all of this, why do we continue to birth things? Are we such victims to our biology that we cannot stop ourselves like animals?

Do yourselves and the world a favour: stop bringing more people into this madness just to have them die in a few years. It's not worth it.

For others. For the society. For animals who can't speak for themselves. For yourself.

The world is run by bullies. Whether it is the media or your government, that lady at the supermarket who does not treat you well, your sister who makes snarky remarks every time she meets you or your husband who thinks you aren't as smart as he is, there is someone around the corner to put a dent in your day.

Our usual response is to not confront because you do not want to make a scene. You are like the Englishman whose only dream is to die without embarrassing himself. But that is not how your life or your world is going to improve. It can be scary to send that dish back because it's not what you ordered or it has tomatoes when you specifically said no tomatoes but it's even worse to not enjoy a meal when you have paid for it in time and money. Once you do it, you'll realise that there is nothing to be frightened of and it won't be that hard the next time.

Sometimes you might be met with aggression but if you are in the right, there is no need to back down. Fight fire with fire as long as you retain your composure and dignity. Make your point assertively without resorting to name calling, cursing or violence.

Another side of this coin is to ask for what you want. The other person does not know what you need and they may have a million things up on their mind. Do not expect your family, husband, wife, friends or employers to know that you need love, affection, respect or a raise. If you want something, make it clear and ask for it. Even god who is supposed to be omniscient requires you to pray to it for things to be granted. (I'm still atheist but more on that later.)

Change happens when we speak up against the bad and for the good. And remember that those who witness a crime and do not speak up against it are equally guilty as the criminal.